Post partum

There are so many aspects of post partum that I could write about, but the one thing that caught me off guard is all the emotions and thoughts that comes with it. It as been a rollercoaster for sure. This post is to all the mothers out there that are feeling the same, or are feeling alone in a period of growth and healing. Myself included have felt very lonely in som situations.

First I want to touch on one beautiful moment, when you meet your baby for the first time. I honestly felt a bit strange, I knew I loved her the first time I heard her cry and the first time I saw her, but I had a strange feeling that she wasn't mine. That I just borrowed her in a short period of time. It didn't help that she was laying in one part of the hospital and myself in another. Thankfully we got to share a room 6 days after she was born. It is actually now, 10 moths later that I really feel that she is mine, and are going to be here for a very long time, hopefully the rest of my life.

This one I'm not sure anyone else have felt, but I will tell you anyways if there are anyone out there that actually have felt this way. When I saw my partner together with our daughter, I saw his pride and love for her. He talked so lovely about her and about us. I didn't recognize him, my feelings for him was a bit strange, I'm not sure I can explain it in words. But the feeling was there, my love for him was a bit strange, straight after our daughter was born. Of course I told him, I had to, because It wouldn't be fair to him not to. Maybe it was because of the strange feeling I had in general right after she was born, I'm not sure. Thankfully my feelings for him are on a whole new level now. I love to se them together, the bond they have made, and se her love for him. So my feelings for him are not the same as they were before she was born, I will say they are on a deeper level. He is the best dad!

The last thing I want to mention is post partum rage. Yes! I have been there, several times. I hate that feeling, when your patience is non existent. My rage went out on my partner, and not our daughter. Thankfully.. It could be very small things that tipped me off the edge, like not washing a bottle just when I needed it to, or that our car was full of snow just when we were going out. I am not a "yelly" person, when I get really mad, I just cry. So there have been many teary episodes this last year. But I have also grown a whole lot, and learned how to deal with emotions that overwhelm me (gosh i sound like I am a toddler, hahah). We have talked about it, and he is a very calm and chill person, so we barely fight. The rage is gone, and we have become the best team! I think what saved our relationship through all the whole new experience as parents, was communication.

I hope all the mums out there have someone to support them, and also can enjoy a very beautiful journey in life, you have my support! Have a lovely evening <3